ive tasted a lot of blood a lot lately, especially when i drink water. theres been this gross metallic flavor in my mouth, ever since november when my lip split.
it keeps almost healing but i guess i fuck it up or irritate it or something cause the wound reopens every couple weeks and bleeds a lot. im kinda over it
when i see myself in the mirror i focus on it and wonder if anyone else thinks about my split lip. most likely not, i figure, paying that close attention to someone elses lips only makes sense if youre trying to kiss them. and yet i worry if i look weird or fucked up
why do i do this? i have other, more important things to be anxious about. i havent shaved in over a month. i havent been to the dentist in 3 years. im off my medication. i have to be at work in 20 minutes. so why am i sitting here and thinking about my split lip? why am i getting hung up on this?
i do have an overzealous nature to assign poetic meaning to the mundane, so it could be that. i love making small, nothing issues into a grand statement of purpose and human nature. its one of my favorite pastimes to think about all the poetic ways to describe myself in mundane situations, and how i can ascribe meaning to the most innocuous of actions. corny i know, but im a romantic person
another thing that it could be is my intense neuroticism as of late. ive felt so ego driven and in my own head ive warped my perspective on myself a lot. if you watched my last video i posted, its probably clear to see that im very concerned with the self and identity and its been very very confusing to me lately. so maybe im only thinking about my fucked up lip because i have a tendency to overanalyze myself and my appearance to unhealthy degrees
regardless, this lip thing is pissing me off a lot. im getting real sick of the taste of metal
1/12/2023